


Expectation

by missmichellebelle



Category: Glee
Genre: Canon Compliant, Drama, M/M, Reaction, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 11:38:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/798326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missmichellebelle/pseuds/missmichellebelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt gets on an airplane and flies back to New York, and Blaine doesn't propose.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Expectation

**Author's Note:**

> Reaction fic to 4x22, All or Nothing.
> 
> Because fucking seriously?

Kurt gets on an airplane and flies back to New York, and Blaine doesn't propose.

They hug. It's the best hug of Blaine's _life_ , probably, and he hates that he has to let go. Kurt says, "you should come visit me soon," and Blaine doesn't say, "I want to spend the rest of my life with you." When they part, it all feels very bittersweet, like they were both expecting so much more.

The look of disappointment on Kurt's face when he gets into the car and drives away feels like it might be imprinted on the back of Blaine's eyelids forever.

Why was Kurt disappointed?

*

Kurt doesn't bother to say he's home when he enters the loft. He already knows it's empty. He knows that Santana is still in Lima, even though he never really found out why. He doesn't know where Rachel is. But he's glad to have the place to himself, that he can unpack his suitcase and stare into the distance without being asked any questions.

He hadn't expected this.

When he'd left for Ohio, he'd been such a tangled mess of emotion over his dad that he really hadn't taken into account anything else he was feeling. After all, his dad is the most important person in his life, and why wouldn't Kurt be consumed with worry and anxiety over the state of his health? It was normal.

And his dad is fine. It makes Kurt smile as he unfolds a shirt and tucks it to the far side of his closet without thinking about it. His dad is fine, and healthy, and the cancer is _gone_ (or in remission, as the doctor had said, but Kurt likes the finality that comes with _gone_ better). On top of that, his old glee club had won Regionals! Not that he'd ever doubted they would, of course.

So Kurt should be happy. He should be ecstatic. He should be using this rare opportunity of having the loft to himself to open his arms and sing and dance without Rachel or Santana one-upping him or telling him to shut it.

But he doesn't feel happy. He sort of feels like nothing, if he's being honest with himself, and it's not what he expected at all. There's this sort of empty, hollowness inside of him that has been there, but that had been masked by so many other things.

Kurt had gone to Ohio for his dad, and for his glee club.

But he also knows he went for Blaine.

And maybe to finally fix this part of him that still feels broken.

He pauses, hanging up a pair of pants, and sighs loudly (because no one is there to ask him what's wrong). He knows this now, now that he's hundreds of miles away, and that there's still this ache inside of him that he thought would be gone by now.

He'd been expecting without knowing it, wanting things he thought he didn't want anymore (that he _shouldn't_ want anymore). Kurt drops onto the edge of his bed, and presses the heel of his palms against his eyes.

Why does being in love have to be so confusing? Why does it have to hurt so much? And, most importantly, _how does he stop?_

*

The ring sits in its box in the same drawer where Blaine keeps all his bow ties, hidden like a secret. He hardly goes in that drawer anymore, because most of his bow ties were gifts from Kurt, or things they'd picked out together. He can't look at them without feeling a lump in his throat.

But the ring still weighs on him, like he's carrying it in his pocket at all times. Or like he's tied a giant rock to his neck and has to drag it with him wherever he goes.

He'd had his opportunity, and he'd missed it. Maybe forever. Maybe that ring will always be hidden, because on the slightest chance that Blaine ever wants to marry someone else (and he won't, he reminds himself fiercely, because he doesn't _want_ anyone else the way he wants Kurt), he can't give them that ring. Because that ring was picked out with Kurt in mind, with the image of Kurt wearing it on his left forefinger, with the image of Blaine putting it there and kissing it and kissing Kurt and—

He missed his chance. He fucked it all up.

God, he wants Kurt in his life more than anything. Any way Kurt is willing to give himself to Blaine, Blaine should accept. But it's suddenly so much harder, because he can't. He can't have Kurt without having _all_ of Kurt. He loves Kurt with every part of himself, and he feels it so much sometimes Blaine wonders how he hasn't exploded into a million pieces.

It doesn't hurt the way it used to, but the realization of it hits Blaine like a train.

He loves Kurt, and he will always love Kurt, and he can't stop loving Kurt because it's just absolutely not possible. He will love Kurt for the rest of his life.

And he needs Kurt to love him back. He needs Kurt to love him back just as much, just as fiercely, the way Blaine had always believed Kurt had. Blaine's doubted a lot of things in life, but Kurt's love for him?

Blaine knows you can break trust, but can you break love? And if you can, how do you fix it?

He needs to be in New York.

*

"I'm mad at you," is the first thing Kurt says when Blaine answers his phone. It's silent, and Kurt's eyes grow wide, because that is totally not what he had intended to say.

"…okay," Blaine responds slowly. "Can you tell me why?"

"I—" Kurt crosses one arm across his body, and paces the small area that serves as his room. He doesn't have a lot of time before one of the girls is back from their classes, and he doesn't want to have this conversation while they're here. "I don't know."

"You don't know?" Blaine sounds confused, which makes sense. Kurt feels confused.

"I just… I feel mad at you, and I don't know why." Kurt closes his eyes, because it sounds just as stupid out loud as it does in his head.

"…did you have a dream about me where I was mean to you?"

"This isn't an episode of Friends, Blaine," Kurt snaps. He doesn't mean to. But he feels so aggravated. "No, I just… Ever since I got back, I keep wanting to yell at you for things you didn't do."

"Since you got back?" Blaine's voice is quiet, but before Kurt has a chance to respond, he asks, "like what things?"

"Like the chip in my favorite coffee mug. Or the fact that I can't find my third favorite scarf, you know the—"

"The Alexander McQueen one, with the orange skulls," Blaine finishes. "I know," he tacks on, softly. Kurt fumbles for a second in his tirade, and then rolls his shoulders back and continues.

"Basically, for things you're not responsible for, and I don't—I don't like feeling mad at you," Kurt finally says, finishing much softer than he'd started. He slumps down on his bed and stares at the floor, cradling his forehead in his hand.

"I'm sorry about your mug—it was that one with the pretty curved handle, right? I always liked it."

Kurt doesn't understand why Blaine is consoling him right now. It doesn't make sense.

"As for your scarf, did you check all the bags you've used recently? Also make sure it didn't fall and get caught on something else, like a button or a pocket or—Kurt, why are you laughing?"

Kurt is laughing.

"I just… You're ridiculous, did you know that?"

"Um—"

"You didn't… Blaine, none of those things are your _fault_."

"I know that," Blaine rushes to say. "But I don't like that you're mad at me."

Kurt feels a stab of guilt.

"Actually, I don't like it when you're mad, in general. You get kind of scary sometimes," Blaine teases lightly, and Kurt can't even work up enough contempt at the statement to form a glare Blaine wouldn't even see. "But if I can make you feel better, I—I want to."

Kurt grips his phone too tightly, his chest suddenly feeling kind of tight.

"You should come to New York," he blurts. More silence.

"I should… What?"

"Come. To New York." Kurt drops his hand and picks at his duvet. "Just… Just for a weekend, or something?" He cringes. It's an expensive trip to make for a weekend. "I just…" Kurt stops. He doesn't know if he can say this. He doesn't know if he should say this. "I… I want to see you."

"Yeah?" Blaine's voice is suddenly breathy, and Kurt feels the tightness constrict again. Then he hears the sound of keys being typed. "Okay."

"…just like that?" Kurt asks, in disbelief. It's quiet enough, and Blaine is definitely on a computer. "Are you… Are you looking up flights _right now?_ "

"I want to see when's the soonest I can be out there without spending _too_ much money," Blaine mutters, offhandedly.

"Blaine, that's _crazy_."

And Kurt can almost hear Blaine bite down on his lip. Not because he's sure he did it, but because it's not the first time Kurt's said this to him. It's not the first time Blaine has done something completely crazy and above and beyond all of Kurt's expectations. And Blaine would just turn to him, and smile, and say, "people do crazy things when they're in love."

Kurt's breath catches in his throat.

But this time, Blaine just says, "yeah."

*

He's not on a plane until two weeks later.

The only thing he brings with him is a carry on bag. The ring is still tucked into the back of his drawer, but he opened it today and pulled out the bow tie Kurt had gotten him for his birthday last year. It had felt like the ring had stared at him, and Blaine had brushed his fingers over the velvet before shaking his head.

No. Not this weekend.

But the fact that he thinks maybe there will be another one is what really keeps the box in its drawer.

It's still a presence in his mind, but it feels less like a stone weighing him down and more like a little reminder, a little _beacon_ , of hope.


End file.
